today.

It finally passed. It always does. The rapid cycling, I mean.

Bipolar is a fancy word for having severe mood swings. Before meds, I was going from normal, to a torqued workaholic, to depressed, to back to normal - sometimes cycling through all of these moods over a few days, sometimes even from hour to hour. This is known as ultrarapid cycling (occurring every few days) and ultradian cycling (occurring during the course of the day). I could wake up fine and happy, then be depressed and sobbing on my floor at 2PM, and then working addictively and obsessively by 5. It was exhausting.

Now that I'm on meds, I still cycle, but it is not as severe. I cycled pretty hard today from around 11-6. I'm pretty wiped now.

I can actually feel it starting to creep back in now as I type this sentence. which sucks, because I thought I was done for the day. I suddenly feel as if I am going to explode. Adrenaline is racing through my arms. I don't know if I can continue to sit in this coffeehouse without screaming. Which is why I left the house in the first place. Nowhere to go. I was up above it. Now I'm down in it. It'll pass. It always does. I just have to ignore it. or enjoy it. One of the two.

(this post was written while listening to old school Nine Inch Nails remixes.)